DXS Machina

So, I went on a mad and crazy movie spree last Saturday and I watched: The Happening, Sex and the City, and The Incredible Hulk… all in one day. Out of the three I liked “The Happening” the best. Which judging by the reviews is suppose to be the WORSE film in existence… or something.

However “House of the Dead”, “Dungeons and Dragons” and “Lost in Space” still exist so I’m a bit confused by all the gnashing of teeth and shaking of fists going on. Not that I think people should like “The Happening” or something, just that I went and watched it and thought it was a perfectly fine film. Mom watched it with me and didn’t like it at all so you know to each their own.

Still it’s weird, people keep telling me things about it that aren’t in the movie at all… like it has an ending like the new version of “the Mist”, which it doesn’t. It has a ending much like a typical horror film unlike the new “Mist” which wishes to punch you in the face a few times for fun. I don’t mind being punched in the face but twice is my limit and “The Mist” exceeds that by an extra punch or two. I also heard “The Happening” was depressing… which it isn’t, it’s no more depressing then a typical zombie film. I heard it was super violent and then boring which I didn’t find to be the case… though this could be me.

I found it to be a perfectly fine M. Night Shyamalan film. It’s beautifully shot, has good pacing, and has a strange and enjoyable humor which I always like about his films. There are no twist endings here (just in case you want to drag out that pony and beat it a few times… personally I don’t think he’s had a twist ending in 3 or 4 films now but I’m funny on what I’d call a twist and what I’d call good old fashion plot… you know, not just there to move the story along, sometimes plot also has reveals and turns to go with all those twists everyone goes on and on about). It’s just a straight forward catastrophe film. The film is coy about laying down an exact reason for the event taking place, which the director sets up really early in the film and most of the people discussing the film try to ignore as hard as possible. There’s a strong case for the theory put forth by some of the nuttier characters in the film and even though it’s not laid down in stone, the main character believes it.

It isn’t without faults… the delivery of the dialog is wooden on the main characters for some reason and I sort of wished for more of the creepy deaths. Mom felt the music was cheesy but I didn’t mind it at all. It’s not a typical horror film (as in it’s not out to scare instead it seems to be trying to disturb) and maybe the message is too clear and clean cut for people though I didn’t find that a problem either. I don’t think it’s for everyone… what film is, but I liked it a lot. I’d recommend it but I suspect most people have already talked themselves out of seeing it anyway.

“The Incredible Hulk” and “Sex and the City” weren’t bad either but I was less compelled by them then I was by “the Happening”.

Oh ho ho, the spell check says Shyamalan should be Chameleon. Snicker.

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**Spoilers for the movie and such.**

Man, I burned my wrist over Thanksgiving… and now I look like I’m diseased. It sucks. This month feels like it’s zooming by me super fast and I can’t seem to catch up at all. I was ahead at the beginning of the month and now I’m really far behind. I keep staring at the page and thinking horrible things, then I go play with my kitty.

I’m so out of it I haven’t even left my house to deposit my pay checks.

I updated Saiko and Lavender up to where the whole thing ends, which it turns out is some time in January. I’m thinking I might run some sort of contest with prizes to send it out with a bang.

Last week I watched “The Hills Have Eyes 2″ and I decided that I wasn’t just watching inbreed hillbilly killers but that I was watching Ninja inbreed hillbillies in which their calling in life was to kill whoever they could.

No really NINJA hillbillies. They blended into the background and dressed up to hide themselves and jumped out from secret tunnels and were super duper hillbillies. I think I said “What?” at least 8 or 10 times while watching it just due to the ninja-ness of the hillbillies

There were also points in the movie where I wondered what the film making meetings were like.

“So, then these two guy meet back up with the other group that went off up the mountain.”

“And all of this stuff happened, like their car is blow up, and they found some guy in a latrine that then died, and they watch this guy that was part of the group be grabbed by some crazy inbreed dude and get all pulled through a tiny space in an orgy of blood.”

“But we think it’d be cool if no one talks about anything that’s happened. That way we can make this one girl watching this scream ‘Tell them about the car! The car! Does no one care that there’s no escape? Hello!’”

“So yeah, it’ll be awesome if no one tells anyone else anything that’s happened to them!”

I swear. Also they wouldn’t bother to I don’t know… show that the car caught on fire and was merrily burning away. No, apparently someone thought it would be better to just show the car when it was all done burning to a crisp. Which just made me think these were the most unobservant guys manning a spooky secret deserted army post ever… you’d think they’d have smelled the fire? I mean the car was completely blackened you’d think that it would have had to be on fire for a long ass time and you’d think someone would have noticed the smoke and stuff. But no.

Also people making horror films if you talk about the latrine, and you show the latrine, and you don’t let anyone near the latrine… if something is in the latrine well it’s just not going to be all that shocking.

This was about the only film where after watching the unrated version I actually wished we’d gotten the rated version. Really at this point it’s like I’m watching “Gore Porn” and I don’t find that scary or interesting. I don’t think I need to actually see a horrible birthing up close and personal in the first 5 minutes. Really you could cut away from the baby shooting out of the vagina… really. It’s not scary or disturbing, it’s kind of gross. I’d find it perhaps more disturbing if maybe it wasn’t so in your face. Pull the camera back people, please.

I find most horror films being made now have some weird thing with showing too much. It’s like I’m just assaulted with stuff that’s suppose the be “scary” and I’m sort of bored and not scared cause there’s so much of it. It seems like it’s a fine balance, too little and it’s not scary, too much and it’s not scary either. But there certainly seems to be too much and too close in the current batch of horror films being made now. Thought it could also be just a piece of horror that doesn’t interest me at all… I’m confident enough to not feel sad that there are things out there not made to my taste. Though I sort of enjoyed “Cabin Fever” (except for the really retarded parts that didn’t seem to fit the rest of the film) and that film had a lot of gross things in it.

Anyway you might like “The Hills have Eyes 2″ if you like gore. I think it might be an okay film if you have a bullet proof kink for that particular part of the horror film genre but it’s nothing particularly amazing otherwise. It’d rate maybe a 5 or a 6 out of 10 for me. Not particularly bad but alas not anything to write home about either.

I had a hard time with my suspension of disbelief in certain parts, see my ninja hillbilly comment and such but yeah if gore and hillbillies are your thing and lord knows there are people who love that stuff, this might be a good movie for you. For people who would still really like to see this film and who don’t like gore you might try the rated version. Though I haven’t seen it and I don’t know if it’s any less “we show you that guy beating that hillbilly with a rock until his head is the shape of a deflated balloon while the camera lingers on it lovingly” or not. You takes your chances. =]

Oh, speaking of horror films does anyone know if that new movie “The Mist” was any good?

Tags: News, Reviews by Diana Sprinkle
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Here’s my review of the Polar Express. I put it behind a cut because there’s some swearing.

Christmas the time honored time to make people feel bad for not being suckers… er believing in Santa. I went to see the Polar Express which WOW is heavy handed. Like a snow ball with a brick inside. It would really like to be light fluffy Christmas fare, yet, I felt crushed under the message of love, friends, and christmas spirit. Honestly though, I could get that message from the damn story! There was no need to grind my face down into the believe message and stick a foot on my neck until the film makers were quite sure I got it.

I actually like Christmas stuff but damn could you please ease back the believe in Santa engine. This was rather like watching a religious movie. Man, who cares if there’s some fat asshole that’s suppose to bringing you presents I thought the point of the holiday was being with family and friends and believing that even if shit sucks in your life that things can be better (also presents because who doesn’t love presents). Not that fucking fatty will toss you a gift down your f-ing chimney.

… and this is why I don’t actually review things most of the time. =/

Damn though, the movie would have been awesome if it was an hour and half of roller coster like rides and cool train stuff. The 3D Imax is like the best thing ever. They should do flying movies… (they probably do.)

The plot is fairly predictable. On the plus side I at least felt real emotion for and from the characters. Sadly if the heavy handedness hadn’t gotten in my way this would have been a pretty awesome Christmas movie. The story seems simple and nice and the computer people look good on the big giant screen of the Imax except for Santa who looked like he’d been dipped in wax. This movie probably loses a lot on a regular screen or on the TV.

Trite is the word I’d use for this movie and it didn’t have to be like that! When even the main character is saying “alright already I get it.” I think you’ve reached past obvious and into the problem I have with most kid’s fair which is that it feels the need to tell you WHAT and HOW to think instead of just telling you a story.

Anyway you can buy the The Polar Express DVD of the movie here but the experience will be tiny and less 3D than going to an IMax… strangely though it’s about the same price either way as the Imax ticket here were 12 bucks a person. Totally worth it over owning the DVD in my mind. Oh and here where you can get the original 32 page children’s book the movie was based on.

Over all, I’d give it a pass unless you can see it at a 3D Imax theater.

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