DXS Machina

Here’s my review of the Polar Express. I put it behind a cut because there’s some swearing.

Christmas the time honored time to make people feel bad for not being suckers… er believing in Santa. I went to see the Polar Express which WOW is heavy handed. Like a snow ball with a brick inside. It would really like to be light fluffy Christmas fare, yet, I felt crushed under the message of love, friends, and christmas spirit. Honestly though, I could get that message from the damn story! There was no need to grind my face down into the believe message and stick a foot on my neck until the film makers were quite sure I got it.

I actually like Christmas stuff but damn could you please ease back the believe in Santa engine. This was rather like watching a religious movie. Man, who cares if there’s some fat asshole that’s suppose to bringing you presents I thought the point of the holiday was being with family and friends and believing that even if shit sucks in your life that things can be better (also presents because who doesn’t love presents). Not that fucking fatty will toss you a gift down your f-ing chimney.

… and this is why I don’t actually review things most of the time. =/

Damn though, the movie would have been awesome if it was an hour and half of roller coster like rides and cool train stuff. The 3D Imax is like the best thing ever. They should do flying movies… (they probably do.)

The plot is fairly predictable. On the plus side I at least felt real emotion for and from the characters. Sadly if the heavy handedness hadn’t gotten in my way this would have been a pretty awesome Christmas movie. The story seems simple and nice and the computer people look good on the big giant screen of the Imax except for Santa who looked like he’d been dipped in wax. This movie probably loses a lot on a regular screen or on the TV.

Trite is the word I’d use for this movie and it didn’t have to be like that! When even the main character is saying “alright already I get it.” I think you’ve reached past obvious and into the problem I have with most kid’s fair which is that it feels the need to tell you WHAT and HOW to think instead of just telling you a story.

Anyway you can buy the The Polar Express DVD of the movie here but the experience will be tiny and less 3D than going to an IMax… strangely though it’s about the same price either way as the Imax ticket here were 12 bucks a person. Totally worth it over owning the DVD in my mind. Oh and here where you can get the original 32 page children’s book the movie was based on.

Over all, I’d give it a pass unless you can see it at a 3D Imax theater.