DXS Machina

Must not post! Must not post! Must not! Shit… okay, so that ill made and poorly thought out Open Source Boob Project? Right that thing, hmm here’s a link that doesn’t make me want to kill everyone: http://www.journalfen.net/community/unfunnybusiness/9338.html

So that thing showed up and the SFF part of my LJ friends list have already carved it up good, and then burn the body, poisoned it, kicked it into a well, plugged the well, dropped a mountain on it… with dynamite, and burned the town next to it and three quarters of the villages nearby.

See though, I’d love to have the ability to put in clear words the feelings I get reading the *responses* to this ill made and poorly thought out project but OMG I run screaming. It’s like the energy, the essence is just the purest wail of high emotions rung like a bell made from the torn rib cage of someone’s back with no skin on it so every sound, voice, and word is a hammer… and I feel that ringing sound from the farthest away that I can get…

I can’t deal, my personal pet peeve is a silence of conversation. I can’t take it. I feel like I’m drowning in an ocean of voices that has been carpet bombed by completely understandable highly personal pain and suffering that chokes out all voices. A piece of death and bile of something rotten in the still black water. Fuck and I’ve gone into hyperbole or however that’s spelled. Note to self, find out how it’s spelled before posting.

But yeah, Complete death. It makes me want to post and yet I know that it’s courting everything I hate because I just don’t have the right words when every word means something it’s not. I can’t say anything cause the sharks have come and any movement is an acceptance of some hurt, a finger that points, that this pain, this horrible pain is deserved even asked for even though that’s never what I feel people in the later comment areas that I have muddled through want to say (I didn’t touch the original post figuring it was dumb and probably more choked and deathly to my particular quirk).

I can’t speak in that sea so I stay as quiet as I can but I want to express just this piece of me without any of those charged words. Here, in my area of the net. I want to point to this poison I want to say in my small voice that I don’t like that the conversation dies. I’ve never liked it. I don’t want to spread the fear or pain but… but… opens hands. I don’t know.

Meh. Sorry about this. I just don’t want to write post after post that I never actually post.